Finding Beautiful Read online

  “Aria,” I whisper just loud enough for his ears, my name a whisper on my lips.

  He nods, his eyes heating with something I wish I had a name for as his finger grazes my cheek and my eyes never leave his.

  “Gavin,” he murmurs, giving me his name. I bite my lip at the sound of it and find myself wanting to lean into his touch. The name fits him so well. Gavin.

  “I’ll see you tonight, Gavin.” I breathe, feeling lighter as he smiles that crooked smile at me and takes my hand in his once more, not letting go until distance pulls our fingers away from each other.

  “Tonight,” he says.

  * * *

  “You’re blushing, Ari. Holy shit,” my sister says, giggling as we pull away from the curb where I can still see Gavin leaning against his car. Her eyes meet mine in the rear view mirror and I inwardly sigh. I can’t stop thinking about the way he seemed to focus completely on me. A man I’ve never met. I’ve never felt that with anyone I’ve dated. Undivided attention.

  “That was… intense.” I mumble to my still blushing sister as she starts her car.

  “I’d say. And that car had to be expensive. Like something out of a movie.”

  I turn left and flit my eyes over to her with a grin. It was a Jaguar. It’s one of the most expensive foreign automotive brands out there. When I explain this to her, she looks at me as if I have two heads and shakes her head.

  “Forget the car, he was beautiful! You should have given him your number, honey. He was looking at you like you were water and he was thirsting for a tall glass.”

  I burst into giggles at that and she joins me as we pull into our apartment lot.

  “You’re horrible, Kel. I swear I don’t know where you got your sense of humor.”

  She grins at me, giving me that look again. She knows I’m delaying what she wants to talk to me about. About the mysterious man we met today. About how I feel about seeing him again.

  “Oh, come on, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. I’ve never seen you react to a man like that. I think you should get back out there, Ari. Don’t you think it’s time?”

  I sigh, feeling both terrified and excited at the idea of seeing him again.

  “I don’t know, Kel. It’s only been four months and honestly, I have no idea how to put myself out there again. I’m not ready.”

  “I know, but if you don’t try you could really regret not taking the chance.” Her bright eyes implore me to say something, but I’m speechless. I haven’t—no, I couldn’t—let myself think about starting something new ever since I woke up in the hospital four months ago. I can’t be hurt again. I won’t let that happen. But Gavin… he looked at me like no other man has and it confuses me. Am I ready?

  “I don’t know. It was like he saw me, the real me. Not the ballet dancer or the rich girl or the heartbroken teenager that everyone else sees when they look at me. But you saw him, Kel. He probably has a girlfriend or a wife! I can’t compete with God knows who.”

  She doesn’t answer me, just shakes her head and gets out of the car, then leans back in through the window to meet my guarded gaze.

  “I didn’t see a ring on his finger. And you’re beautiful and mysterious, remember?”

  I folded my fingers in my lap, trying to clear my thoughts. She’s right. He did say that. The thoughts and emotions inside me have me tangled up, confused, hesitant. I don’t know if I’m ready, will I ever be?

  “We both know I’m not ready for any sort of a relationship right now!” The words tumble out of me, my own insecurities voiced. My eyes sting with emotion and I turn my gaze away from the window.

  I get out of the car and circle the back to meet her in the front of my car. I hope that maybe she’ll just let this go, please just let this go, Kel. But I feel her brown eyes on me as I take the stairs. Taking my hands, she tugs me down to sit on the top step with her. My determined-as-hell sister looks at me, imploring me to listen, and it’s not the first time today.

  Sighing, I squeeze her hands with mine so she knows I’m listening.

  “Ari, it was never your fault what Bryce did to you, and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t just as deserving of love as anyone else in this world.”

  No. With the sound of his name, my voice dies in my throat. I don’t want to think about him. My chest aches with the memories that flood me from the sound of a man’s name I haven’t heard in weeks.

  Kel doesn’t let go, though. She takes hold of my wrists and glides up the sleeve of my sweatshirt until the yellowing bruises on my skin are revealed, along with the cuts marring the pale skin there. Shame washes over me, and my eyes close briefly as I fight to push down the sadness that tries to make its way into my thoughts. When the pain had gotten to be too much, when I believed I was just as useless as he made me feel, I found a way to take away the pain in my own way. It was the lowest point in my life and I couldn’t see my self-worth when I was with him. I see it now, though.

  “Look at me.” Kel has tears in her eyes as she wipes the side of her cheek. In her eyes I see how much she worries for me. She knows just how much I’ve gone through, how long it’s taken me to feel whole again.

  “You. Are. Beautiful. Aria. It wasn’t your fault what he did to you and you should never let the fear of getting hurt again stop you from going after what you want, honey. It’s been four months, and the fact that you’re dancing again tells me that you’re moving on from the hurt and the pain Bryce inflicted. Just keep your heart open, okay? You deserve happiness. I found it with Lucas and I know you can, too.”

  I nod, unable to speak as my heart swells with love for my remarkable sister. Kel kisses my forehead and squeezes my hand, giving me strength in this moment. Taking a deep breath, I decide to give myself a chance. A chance for happiness. One date never killed anyone. Right?

  “Let’s go get ready for this party, huh?” I grab her hands and pull her to stand, hooking my arm in hers as we head upstairs to plan a celebration.

  * * *

  As we turn the corner and near the apartment, we see Lucas, my sister’s fiance as of three days ago, leaning up against our door. With messy blond hair and a lip piercing, topaz green eyes and a lopsided smile, he’s every girl’s dream and I can see how happy she is with him. He looks up and smiles when he sees us.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Immediately Kel steps into his arms and he kisses her forehead.

  “You don’t have your key?” she asks, smiling as she looks at him through her thick-lashed eyes.

  “I do, just thought I’d wait for you. How did it go, Aria?”

  Lucas wraps an arm around my sister’s shoulder and then releases her to give me one of his well-known and loved bear hugs, lifting me off my feet easily. I grin and laugh and wipe the moisture from my eyes before he sees it.

  “It went great,” Kel says for me as Lucas takes my keys to unlock our door. The minute I make it to the couch I set my dance bag down and plop onto the love seat, where Kel joins me.

  “You were amazing,” Kel says, obviously seeing my doubts after this performance. I know she’s right, but sometimes I can’t help doubting myself. After that night, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love myself and believe in my abilities again.

  Four Months Earlier

  The sound of a loud crash coming from the kitchen makes my eyes fly open in a mixture of surprise and panic. Bryce comes home faithfully every day at six. Why would he come home at, God, two-thirty in the afternoon? My hands shake as I scramble to my feet, knowing what’s coming. The only possible reason he’d come home early is because he’s drunk. I make my way toward the bedroom door as a pit in my stomach forms; fear that I’ve come to live with stopping my body in its place.

  “Where are you?” Bryce yells, making me jump when I see his cold eyes and clenched fists, ready to aim when the anger strikes him. I lift my head and I search for any sign of emotion or humanity in his eyes, but all I see is anger. That’s all I ever see. Cold, dark eyes of anger and possibly hatred.

>   “I… I was sleeping, Bryce. I’m sorry.” My voice shakes unintentionally.

  He narrows his eyes at me, raises the empty bottle of whiskey in his hand, and throws it past my head, making me flinch and jump back from him.

  “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” he asks, quiet venom in his words as he backs me into a corner and forces me to look into his reddened eyes. His hand grips my chin and his fist clenches against it, making me whimper at the force of his hold.

  “I’m sorry… I… ” He doesn’t let me finish as his fist comes down hard on the side of my face and the pain spreads across my skin. I cry out and fall back, my head hitting the hardwood floor with a hard smack. I feel the blood trickle down my face and my body trembles in fear for what’s to come. He looks down at me with his brown eyes almost black with anger as he curses and kicks me in the stomach. Once, twice, three times… I lose count as each blow molds into the other, searing the pain low in my abdomen as I shake with tears falling down my face. I struggle for breath, and as he grasps my hair in his right fist, my eyes close and the darkness overwhelms me as the pain ceases and I black out.

  The pain wakes me up as I find myself lying face-up in the king-sized bed in Bryce’s bedroom. My clothes are in a messy pile on the floor as I feel my panties being slid down my legs and his mouth nipping at my neck. No, God, no! He can’t be doing this. This can’t happen…

  “No… No… Please… stop… ” I plead, having no strength to struggle against his hands trapping me against the mattress. Bryce grins against my skin and grinds against my hips, making my body shake and tremble in fear. There was a time once when I thought I loved him. I would do anything to please him. But now I know that was only a game to him. This is the man I’ve come to know. I feel rough, merciless hands digging into my waist while his knee presses against my side. The last of my laced underwear comes off my leg and I pull my knee up and attempt to buck him off me.

  “No!!” I cry out, making contact with his stomach instead of his nether regions. I continue trying in vain to push against his hold, kicking my legs is useless.

  “Oh, I love it when you fight me, princess. So feisty.” I feel the rub of his lips against my jaw, my collarbone, my neck, and then my mouth. A whimper escapes me when he pushes his tongue in my mouth and takes.

  “You. Are. Mine. Ari.” He growls each word into the space between our mouths. His chuckle is empty and cruel against my ears. I’m still struggling, forcing my head to the side to try to escape his weight, his voice, his cold, clammy hands gripping my thighs.

  And when he takes and takes and takes, there is no one there to hear my cries of agony. The sobs break through my chest and I cry silently, willing this to be a nightmare. My skin crawls with a dirty, horrid feeling and my eyes close, willing myself to die instead of live through this torture.

  * * *

  “Aria, sweetheart, open your eyes,” my sister’s sweet voice whispers as I force my eyes to open against the numb of pain in my body. She’s sitting next to me, kissing and squeezing my hand in hers. When I see her tear-streaked face and hear the beeps of a machine next to me, I realize where I am.

  “What happened?” I choke out the words through a dry throat. My head is pounding and I can barely open my eyes to see my sister and an unfamiliar man standing next to her.

  Kel leans forward and kisses my forehead. I hear her intake of breath and wait for her to tell me what happened. Why am I here? In a hospital?

  “Dad found you in your apartment this morning. You were beaten… and… ” Her voice trails off, as if she’s unable to finish her sentence. I see tears build in her eyes and what’s worse is when her voice breaks. “Do you remember what happened?”

  I take a deep breath, trying to lift my body that’s numb from the medication I must be on. Pain spears me in the chest as I remember his face, my cries for him to stop, and the pain down there and throughout my whole body. I just don’t understand how I hadn’t seen him for what he really was until that moment. I was so blind. I cover my face with my hands in an effort to gather my scattered thoughts.

  “He came home really angry… I tried to talk to him, but then he hit me and I must have blacked out because when I woke up I was in his bed. He… Oh, God… ” My voice cracks as I realize the three words that I can’t seem to wrap my head around. He loved me, I know he did, but last night, God, he was just… a monster.

  Kel squeezes my hand and with her eyes full of sympathy and love, urges me to continue.

  “He raped me, Kel,” I say in a shaky voice, grasping onto her as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight, allowing me to finally let go of the overwhelming emotions that threaten to smother me.

  * * *

  Present Day

  My hands are shaking from the force of the memories, the darkness that looms around me from my broken past. Lucas squeezes my shoulders from behind, bringing me back to the here and now.

  “You okay, Aria?” Lucas asks over the brim of his second Corona Light. I blink, shaking my head to clear all thoughts of the past. I look to see Kel hurriedly setting out party platters, hanging streamers from the ceiling, and placing buckets of beer bottles on the tables in the living room. That makes me smile. She’s in her element right now. Planning a party, making the individual platters, and setting the decorations up, that’s something she loves to do.

  “Wow, she’s excited.”

  He laughs, a light sound that I haven’t heard in far too long. When he hands me a Blue Moon from the cooler, I look over to him and grin.

  “She loves a party, huh?”

  “She wouldn’t be Kel if she didn’t love this, right?” His eyes go to my sister, softening when Kel winks at him from across the room. He’s so good for her. Just what she deserves.

  I nod, lifting the beer to my lips.

  “We invited someone today. We met him at the studio.” Lucas is in the middle of raiding our fridge when he looks up, raising an eyebrow at me. His eyes narrow at me. He thinks I’m kidding, since for most of the time he’s known me, I have refused to even think about men. But now I want to. I want to be open to the future if that happy-ever-after is still a possibility for me.

  “What?” His voice is incredulous, but he already has that grin across his face. And then, he erupts into a wide, no-holds-barred smile. One I’ve never seen before. Setting his beer down, Lucas wraps me up in a hug and squeezes too tight.

  “You’re finally getting back out there! That’s great, Aria. Who is he?”

  I blush and look away, not wanting to think about how bad I like Gavin, how close I came to leaning into his touch today. It’s crazy and it scares me how much I reacted to him when we met.

  “His name is Gavin. I don’t know… after what happened with Bryce, I don’t… ” He steps up to me and squeezes my shoulders. It’s reassurance.

  “Any guy would be damn lucky to have you, Aria. Okay?”

  I nod, giving him a smile, and run to catch up with Kel as she balances two trays in her hands. I hastily grab one from her and set it down on the kitchen island.

  “Careful, sis”

  “You ready, Kel?” Lucas calls from the living room, well into his third beer.

  She grins at him, narrowing her eyes. She’ll never say so, but she is totally smitten with that man.

  It’s only an hour later that we have everything set up and the DJ we hired for tonight arrives. I do my best to get him squared away at the table near the bar in our living room and find Kel on the couch with Lucas, deep in discussion. Needing a minute of fresh air, I open the doors to the balcony and close them behind me, taking a deep, fortifying breath. Then my phone rings.

  “Hello?” It’s an unknown number, which makes me nervous, as if Bryce would call me after all these weeks. Would he? Would he come back and look for me after all this time? God, what would I do… ?

  “Hello, my name is Peter Piers. I’m with Grayson Dance Academy. I’m calling about a spot in our program. How are you today, Ms. Morgan
?” Relief and elation swim through me. This is the call I’ve been waiting for, praying for. Excitement quickens my pulse. I’ve been waiting for this call for weeks. I auditioned for his dance company, the very company that is known throughout the performance arts world as the most esteemed dance company in the country.

  “Yes, thank you for getting back to me. I’m good. How are you?”

  I’m proud that my voice doesn’t crack with the nervousness I’m feeling at this moment.

  I remember how nervous I’ve been all season about this program. It’s a modern dance fellowship and at the end of it I could possibly have a position with any one of their world-renowned studios. It’s been my dream since high school, hell, since the very first time I danced.

  “I wanted to speak with you about this position. Are you still interested in a full-time spot with our Modern Dance program?”

  I beam in excitement, practically jumping in the heels I’m wearing.

  “Absolutely.” It’s every dream I’ve ever had. My dance.

  “Good, we’re honored to have you. The footage I saw of you was phenomenal. You’re a very talented dancer, Ms. Morgan.” His voice is filled with awe and I know he means every word. Having the praise of the Peter Piers means so much.

  “Thank you, Mr. Piers,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut from the sting I feel from the tears that threaten to fall.

  “I’ll send the orientation paperwork to you as soon as I can. Welcome to the program!”

  “Thank you. You won’t regret this.” It’s a vow.

  I hang up and jump when I see Kel at the door. She beams with such happiness and I know she’s heard everything.

  Two

  “DID YOU HEAR?” I ASK, and Kel smiles that proud sister smile that I’ve only seen twice before across her face.